Colon Cleaner Will Make You Leaner!
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Colon Cleanse Scammers - Holla Back!
For the man with no pants!
Are you full of it?
Are you suffering from upset stomach? Gas? Bloating? Do you feel like you are being weighted down by unnecessary baggage? It may be time for a new evacuation plan!
Colon Flow
Colon Flow is a revolutionary product that can have you feeling spiffy - in a jiffy! Did you know that you could be carrying around up to 13.5 pounds of SH&%! YES! You could! Due to a build up of fecal matter in the colon that sticks to the ribs or narrows the intestinal lining. You can't have that crap going on. You have to expel that extra lining and Colon Flow is the product you and your family need to cinch the circle of health.
I learned about this particular problem while watching late night television. I saw the very commercial that I have embedded in this article. It explains how shit can be weighing you down and more importantly - how to get that shit out!
Evacuation Plan
Every housewife in America should have an evacuation plan in place for the safety of the family. First you will need to purchase the official fecal material chart. Each time you or a member of your family "evacuates" you will need to record that. If elimination occurs just once each day - you are probably only full of four pounds of crap. So figure it into the weight chart. If elimination occurs only once every couple of days - well your child could be toting around up to 13.5 pounds of poop. That is a load that is too heavy for your youngsters to be burdened with.
Take Action and Fight Back!
Colon Flow can be simply mixed into your family's water supply and sipped, no need to worry about painful invasive procedures. This is THE magic pill and the way to make sure that your family is pure and clean from the inside out! Beautiful living - that's what it is all about. No more explanation required folks - it really is that easy. Just sip and wait for the results.
Now for the truth........
This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I checked in with the top notch medical resources on the net. According to Michael F. Picco, M.D. affiliated with The Mayo Clinic, "they don't recommend colon cleansing for detoxification." The beauty is - the human body has a system in place to naturally clean your body without you even having to think about it!
Dr. Picco warns that colon cleansing can actually be harmful and cites the following problems:
- Possible dehydration
- Possible bowel perforations
- Increased risk of infection
- Increase in electrolytes
Is Colonic Irrigation a Scam?
I found one product on the web where people reported that the only pounds they lost were in their wallets. More than one person complained that they were being charged $80.00 per month on their credit card and were having difficulty getting the charges stopped or reimbursement.
Many of these products are not approved by the Federal Drug Administration. This means they have either not been tested for approval or it is possible that they have been tested and can't get approval.
I worked in a research lab doing investigational studies to approve drugs for the FDA. I can tell you that I fully understand the process and the rigorous rules and procedures that are in place to prevent bad medicine from entering the United States and I am still very leery of pharmaceutical drugs that have not been tested for long term use. Even drugs that meet FDA approval after trials and trials can be unsafe.
There have been many deaths reported due to medicines being available on the Internet. Before you take any medicines at all - speak to your primary care physician. Research the product, possible side effects and then ask more questions before you ingest anything.
Remember - your body is beautiful just the way it is - from the inside out. Eat healthy, avoid toxins as much as possible and establish a regular sleep pattern and you don't need any help from those illusive magic pills.
"Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick ass red lipstick." ~Gwyneth Paltrow
I like you full of shit!
More about shit!
- Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo and the definitive poopie list - Austin health technology | Examiner.c
Happy holidays and I hope everyone has a nice healthy poop today! I regularly visit Yahoo Answers and I have just been amazed by the number of people concerne - CarMax - Is this really how car buying should be??
After dealing with numerous problems with a vehicle, CarMax has not lived up to their promise. Yes, it is really that easy to purchase a lemon! - Is that dogshit I smell?
This article is intended to humorously depict the ability to carry on in the face of adversity.
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OMG - I absolutely loved this... You packed a numerous amount of shit in here. I have learned a crap ton of stuff, like I usually do from your informative articles. I was almost ready to jump on the dump truck and go for a ride. But yeah, I have seen these commericals and I have heard they aren't really good for you. Very imformative article... and well done!
Susan - yeah - my parents (an MD and RN) have warned me about these kinds of products. I really wasn't sure what the research would say but the proof is in the puddin:) Thank you so much and don't let me miss an opportunity to say Happy Birthday again today:)!!
BBG - thank you so much! You guys were cracking me up on FB so I had to produce some shit for you:) lol Do not jump on that dump truck man....it is not good for the Booty! lol
Thanks - as always - for your hilarious comments. And for pointing out that I am on a ROLL....!
Thank you so much because I was ready to jump in. This is a great hub to warn us.
Colon cleansers also destroys the good bacteria or flora found in the colon. I refuse to use such products, fiber work just fine.
Hi writer 20 - thanks! - but yeah don't use that stuff - not only might you get ripped off but its just a fad:(
Cardisa - thank you! I love your articles about beauty - you always do go the safe, natual route! I would have guessed you wouldn't pump that junk into your body!
I don't have this problem with build-up so I wouldn't buy this product anyway. I'm sure when some people read how much weight they can lose they will buy it just for that expected weight lose. Thanks for informing us.
The moment I saw this idea posted on fb I was wondering where it would go... you did an amazing job bringing out the ad and then the truth behind it. Before you got too far I was thinking to myself... isn't this dangerous? I am soooooooooooooo glad you pointed out that it probably is! Very very good hub! Unfortunately I am not funny enough to leave you a witty and entertaining comment to match the witty and entertaining language you used throughout the hub, but I still must say it was a delightful read!
Hi Marellen! Good - don't even buy this product if you get backed up to China! I do think people buy it because they think of the weight loss - but quick fixes do not work. Thanks so much and its great to see you!!!
Myth - I think I should sleep deprive myself more often:) I was so sleepy this morning when I posted that message - then you all made me come alive with the comments that followed - I just wanted to take the day off and have some fun:) Still - it is educational and I do not endorse these products.
I will never make a dime on hub - I usually only write about things I DO NOT want anyone to buy....lol And Myth - thank goodness you don't have a filthy mind like mine! LOL
The first time I was introduced to hydro colonic was a "gift". I'm still not sure the intention of my donor but I took advantage and tried. it. Needless to say, we are full of shit and though I felt lighter in one sense I was weary of too much cleansing. I think if we exercise caution, fiber and moving around help eliminate most waste. I too have been a product of "wishful thinkers' and dabbled in short cut solutions...
Best thing is maybe a quarterly cleansing and a healthy outlook!
Voted up? BOOM! Was it useful? BOOM! Funny? BOOM! Awesome BOOM! Interesting? BOOM! The only one you missed is beautiful, and that's only because of the necessary visuals. I'm going to take my lap top to the rest room on next call and read this again I enjoyed it so much. Good job my friend!
jim
Hey Real...What a witty hub but colon cleansers are a pile of poop! I was talking to a friend the other day, I noticed he lost weight...I asked him if he did something different (expecting to hear he worked out more or ate less) his response was about a colon cleanser at Walmart pffffft...I'm sure when I see him again the weight will be back. I'm glad you got the word out that this stuff is for the dump! :)
Alur - I got a weird gift like that before - a client gave me a bottle of Fat Bastard wine....hmmmmm...! LOL I regifted it! haha!
Yep - lots of people want to believe such products will be a magical cure all - and it's just another fairy tale. Clean living and a healthy mind will do a body good:) Thanks so much for the great comment. I was hoping I would find someone who had tried it out...I asked on my facebook for anyone who had used it to let me know....I couldn't get a witness:O Not one!
Hi Naked butt! It brings a smile to my face evey time I see your avatar:) You just make me laugh! If you come up with any good visual material you let me know buddy! I can't match your photographic skills - I still have the image of the lady on the picnic table that you took once:) LMAO
Keep making eveyone laugh Jim - you are well loved here in hubland for it!
Hi Sunshine! I was just thinking about you yesterday! I came across the song "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" by Bill Withers - awesome song!
I am so glad you added your comment - let me know how it works for your friend if anything great develops...but I agree with you - he will have put the weight back on probably much faster than it came off. It is such a scam.....I hate people that try to take advantage of others by taking their money and offering false promises. This totally appears to be the case with these products. If it's too good to be true....
Thanks so much for the comment - keep on shining:)
haha...your hub had so much of humor and yet delivered the message LOUD AND CLEAR!
Sure, a healthy lifestyle can take us miles and help us avoid wasting our money on such silly products. I would rather be spending that money on looking good :))
And I was singing that song yesterday, it was a stuck in head song of the day! :))
My friend knew I wasn't pleased with his response about the colon cleanse, might have been because I told him I wasn't lol! I also asked him not to spread the word because he won't be helping people only hurting. I'm glad you published this hub even if you were sleep deprived when you did so! :))
Haha Ruchira! I was thinking I missed the boat when I didn't say "save your money and buy a new dress - that would make you feel better! Lol. Too funny - so glad the message went out clearly! Thank you - as always for your comments!
Sunshine - I still have that song stuck in my head but it's ok because I love Bill Withers and that song! And thank you so much again - I was super curious about hearing from people who had actually tried it and wondering if it sounded as preposterous to everyone else - as it does to me. What makes me the maddest - young teens could be listening to the bull and ordering products like this one and using them. Exercise and proper nutrition are the only sure fire ways to lose and keep weight off.
I love Bill Withers also! I hear you! It reminds me of when Oprah lost ALL her weight in 1988 on a liquid diet and gained twice as much back! That taught a LOT of people there is no quick way to lose weight. It leaves slowly, the same way it arrived. Good job Real :)
Oh I had forgotten about that but you're right! And all eyes are always on Oprah's weight...I wish I had a nickel for every time the media talked about her sliding scale! Sheesh! but yeah - there were millions paying attention to her.
Thanks a bunch Sunshine:)!
Hey RealHousewife, since you were talking about this on Facebook, I had to come by and see how the hub came out. I would certainly say that you covered the shit, just right. LOL! :P There are some Celebrities that go to professional colon cleansing places(treatment centers). They spend thousands on professional services. Voted up! :)
Hi Cagsil! Yep I am so delighted you stopped in! Thank you! My husband said that Robin Quivers of the Howard Stern show is always talking about this. She actually has coffee enemas. Stern teases her and asks her how she likes her coffee beside up her a@@! LMAO!
Thanks for liking this shit - oh AND you helped me with this shit too!
Kelly - Do not buy that colon cleanser,
It is used by fools without much senser.
If you pack on too much shit,
Full of crap is what you git.
Use the facilities; don't be scared,
And you will be rid of all that 'merde.'
Drbj - omg! I love the poetry you seem to just whip out! lol And do you know how long I have wanted to understand how to properly say 'merde'???? It is not taught in French 1 - 4 (and I didnt ask the professer:)! Now I know with your rhyme it is exactly as french phonetics teach it:) Scared - Merde! Thank you so much for teaching me that shit! You are the bomb!
A high fiber diet is important as we all know. And just as important is drinking three gallons of water a day to wash it all down.
When you get tired of doing all that, at least once a week - eat a Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. YeeHaa!
LMAO Austinstar! That is the pure and natural route out! Yep - the good old fashioned "tried and true" method.
Actually fried chicken sounds good - even for breakfast!
Glad to hear colon cleanse is a crappy idea. (Dr. Oz says black coffee does the trick better.) Quite a Hub!
Hi Frannie Dee! I can see why Dr. Oz would say that:) I love him too - highly endorsed by my dermatologist! Yeah - stay away from those magical property products - save the cash! lol Thanks so much!!! Crappy idea - chuckle chuckle:)
Oh, I am so relieved, RealHousewife! I was worried this was "for real". I thought to myself, no, don't say it! Real is real and not full of crap. I am so glad your hilarious, truthful article not only exposes the scam of colon cleansing, but the dangers.
Your FDA synopsis relays another well-written truth. I used "Forteo", a daily injection for osteoporosis. The FDA has a "black box warning" on the prescription injection, used to build bone. Since trusting the specialist, I will never need to worry about colon cleansing, because I lost 37 lbs in a few months while using the injections and now must take $600/month, Pentasa (the last nine years with no end in sight) to address the inflammation in my small bowel. I was assured by the bone and mineral specialist that my side effect was not due to the Forteo. However, the new literature now states that my problem is a recognized side effect. Had I continued for the full allowable 2-year maximum, as prescribed, I am convinced my life would have completely gone down the toilet. Luckily, I hadn't shit my brains out completely and made the decision to stop at the 1-year mark.
Fantastic article, RealHousewife. You have a real talent for telling the truth with humor. Laughter really is the best medicine.
Amy - first I am so sorry that you were lead astray about that medication and that it hurt you! That is what I am talking about!! Bad Medicine should be stopped before it starts! My daugher was ordereing diet stuff off the internet when she was younger and I flipped! I still worry about what it might have done that we have not discovered yet.
I am also glad you stopped taking it much sooner. I mean you might have killed yourself. I have heard these horror stories a lot, unfortunately. I loved doing research studies - but our lab never tested anything unless it had already met high standards - like ambien, modafanil, sonata, stuff like that. Many people that agree to participate in research studies make this a way of life...they research who pays for them and travel all over to get paid to take drugs that have not been approved by the FDA. I even heard of one lab that was packing "participants" in and if they were overnight studies they had them sleeping on triple bunk beds! Man! People should not be letting people put that shit into their body!
Good luck Amy. And thanks so much for contributing that comment. Exposure is the only way to stop others from taking any of that junk!
Dear Real, The strange thing was my osteoporosis checkup showed that my bone density INCREASED this year. The doc thought I was still taking the Forteo she'd prescribed and her face fell when I said "no, I decided not to take it". I expressed an interest in B12 shots and she agreed that they would do no harm, but I'd have to see my GP (pay another office visit). Instead, she wanted me to take the once-a-year infusion (she said my one hip was still relatively thinned) that has horrendous possible side effects, such as necrotizing of the jaw-bone!!! Oh, and of course, I would have to pay a $2,500 deductible (while I am unemployed) and then insurance would pay 100%. When I brought up the fact that one-a-month Boniva now has lawsuits pending over many women who suffered femur fractures while taking it (in effect, causing the very thing it was promoted to prevent), I said "no thanks".
Although I am grateful for the many drugs that help human lives, the drug companies are motivated by money. Now, due to the Forteo and unemployment, meaning I can no longer afford health insurance, I am in the process of applying to the pharmaceutical company for "free" Pentasa for my jejenum inflammation. It is so frustrating when one drug causes side effects that create the need for another expensive medication. Good gig, if you can get away with it.
Amy - I do know what you mean - I am glad for the meds that are needed. It's the rip off artists that are manufacturing drugs in sheds and calling it scientific testing site. I checked out drugs on the internet to see how easy it would be to get them....OMG! No wonder we had 10 kids that got sick and/or died at a party recently. They got drugs off the internet! I have seen news coverage of these places and when they tested drugs coming from some "labs" they were inconsistent in content - some had too much active ingredient while others had none...it was horrible.
I also got a virus and ads were being sent out to everyone in my address book! I learn everything the hard way!
wow this has been extremely helpful! good thing i didnt buy it when i saw the commercial.
Hi donate - yeah - don't buy that stuff - it's a bunch of crapy! lol Save your money and buy a hot dress:)
Thanks!
If people have less than 3 bowl movements a day that's not good. It is called waste for a reason. It's harmful to people when it stays inside you for a long time. Over the years the damage can accumulate and that is part of the reason people get colon cancer. It's dangerous.
I like the hub Real.
Hi Daffy - Thank you so much! I appreciate the comment!
Fiber in foods cannot be digested. The purpose of it is to keep the colon clean. Doing this prevents many diseases. There is no fiber in animal foods. All unprocessed plant foods have plenty of fiber. Ex-President Bill Clinton does not have to worry. He only eats plant foods now (vegan).
Hi Chuck - I didn't realize Clinton was vegan. I agree we all need fiber for sure! And I did read the purpose is because it helps aid in food digestion. Thanks so much for the read and comment!
Glad to read this hub. I was wondering if this was something I should do now I know not to worry about it.
Hi mljdgulley354 - Oh I am so glad if this stopped you! Yes - I would highly recommend that you ask your primary care physcian first before trying any "new" fad stuff:)
Thanks so much for commenting!!
Well, now that I have wiped the tears from my eyes due to laughing, I can say that my family is happy to give a report on this. If asked, they will claim that the best colon cleanser in our household is my chili. Yup! I don't know what the secret ingredience is, but it has been known to cleanse a colon or two. (If it hasn't been cleansed, those sitting next to you will wish it was.)
Great hub Real! I loved it!
Ha, Tip you crack me up! That is so funny - your chili! Apparently Dr. Oz says black coffee will do the same thing! Do you put that in the chili? Lol.
Thanks so much you are making me die laughing - couldn't think ofma better way 'to go' btw:) lol
OMG, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Again Kel, loved it from the title to the end and the great comments too. Hopefully, everyone reads all the way through and doesn't stop too early to surf the net for Colon Flow. I'm still "stuck" on Austin's comment about the corn. Corn is amazingly resilient, isn't it? It keeps its shape all the way through after being chomped, just like blueberries for me. Ewwwwww!
Sharyn
Hi Sharyn! LOL! Now you have me cracking up! I did have such a blast with this one....ahhhh...and I tell you I never know what the heck Austinstar is going to say and I can never wait to check out her latest comments!
Thank you so much - I do look forward to the commentary - it is so much fun joking around with you guys...and still we all learned a little something:) lol
Kelly,
Hahaha, that was great. Amusing and infomative. I have never been tempted to ty anything like this, but I can see where someone might. l but lol not really. It really in funny and informative, but I would hope someone would research before they tried something like this. Anyway another really well written hub.
Love you, Beverly
Hi RealHouswife. I agree with everything posted above. I have a holistic digestive health blog. I talk about things like probiotics, different fiber supplements, herbs for intestinal candida...etc..
But "crap" like this gives the whole industry a black eye. Such a shame.
And for what? Commissions...50%+
This is the first time I've ever clicked the "funny" icon on a colon cleansing article. May have to follow you :)
Hi Healthy Fat Guy - you so remind me of my husband for some reason? (scratching head) lol. Yep that junk is a complete and total rip off! I am going to have to see what you're writing about too....herbs I am into:) lol
Thank you so much!
Hahah!!! I got such a chuckle reading this. I especially like your section titled More About Shit! I would never ever try something like this - what happened to letting our bodies take over and be naturally healthy?! I mean, throughout evolution our bodies have learned how to fine-tune the process...once we start messing with that process there's no telling what will happen - eternal constipation? No thanks
Hi Ardie! lol I had so much fun writing this one:) I really had my heart into spreading the word about how horrible these things are for you! lol In my own special way, of course:) haha!
Yeah - I would never EVER try to go on a water/pepper juice liquid diet or any other like it!
Just Ask Susan Level 8 Commenter 7 months ago
Wow and here I thought that this would be a healthy thing to try. So glad that I read your hub as now I can save myself some money. Thanks so much for the education on Colon Cleaners.