Revenge - Lip Smackin' Good?
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Don't get mad - get even?
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Revenge Fantasy? Or Reality?
If someone purposely hurt you - would you act on feelings of revenge?
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- Science
- Brain Study Shows Why Revenge Is Sweet
Revenge is sweet. Many of us have felt that way, and now scientists say they know why.
Taylor Swift Revenge Song
"No more tears now, I will think about revenge."
Mary, Queen of Scots
Best served cold - or eaten sweet?
"Revenge is a dish best served cold" has been attributed to the 18th Century, "Les Liasons Dangereuses" although, reportedly, it never even appears in the book. The origination is unknown. In the French novel, 'Mathilde' the translation was "revenge is a dish very good eaten cold." (English translation 1846). It has even been linked to the Sicilian Mafia. Either way - served or eaten - agreement lies in the meaning that the longer one waits to exact their revenge the sweeter it will taste.
The phrase became popularized when it was said in "The Godfather" by Mario Puzo.
But where does the emotion come from?
Revenge is a most interesting primitive emotion. It is destructive, can be violent and it is a negative response to anger. Exacting revenge usually has the element of intent to do injurious harm to another. It can begin with a perceived slight, an insult perhaps. The offended person feels the need to strike back in some way in order to right the wrong.
According to Psychologist and Author Michael McCullough, revenge dates back to tribal times. It was an instinct that worked to protect the tribe. It was a method of survival. It is his belief that along the way this instinct got all tangled up in the pleasure network. People just like to punish other people.
Jail is a form of revenge. Those who have committed wrong doing, may be sentenced to time in jail to repay socieity for example.
Revenge is seen as a way to restore pride or dignity - honor. To be sure an offender has suffered and learned a lesson. It can make one feel as if they have been transformed from the powerless to the powerful or prey to predator.
Another fascinating part of revenge is that no matter what the crime, insult, injury the punishment must be exact or equal to the offense. It seems to be a collective response across the nation and an unspoken agreement that the act of retribution must be fair and not excessive. It should, in some way, restore equity.
The Bible quotes in Exodus 21:24 "An Eye for an Eye". The law says "let the sentence fit the crime". The word in the street is, "don't get mad - get even."
Robert Bies, behavior expert at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. studied revenge on the job for 15 years. He observed indiscretions such as employees that got better jobs, or the people who were favored over others. He studied the effects of the bosses taking credit for a job done by another employee. From what I understand, everyone who was asked said they did yearn to get even though only about 1/3 of them did retaliate. Approximately 2/3 used passive agressive responses such as gossiping about the offender at the water cooler. On the bright side - they reported they felt better.
In Science Magazine, 2004, a Professor at the University of Zurich named Ernst Fehr published his extensive research on revenge. Professor Fehr conducted a reseach study using volunteers who earned money to participate. Each participant was hooked up to a PET Scan while the test was in progress.
In summary, Professor Fehr used volunteers to play a game. A double crosser was a plant and was given the opportunity to cheat. When the other participants were informed the "betrayer" was cheating they could retalitate by imposing a fine on the person who cheated. Sometimes they had to spend their own money to conclude the punishment and they did because they wanted revenge that badly.
The PET Scan revealed that even when the "victims" were just thinking about revenge a part of the brain called the dorsal striatum lit up like a light bulb. More interesting, the dorsal striatum is hard wired in the pleasure center of the brain. This would lead one to believe that merely fantasizing about vengence is pleasurable and rewarding.
Further, they found there was a correlation between the people who wanted to inflict the most punishment. The dorsial striatum lit up more brightly than those who cared less. Those participants with the lowest amount of activity in that part of the brain punished the offender less.
Is Revenge Moral?
Exacting revenge can be seen as something deserved. Hypothetically speaking, if a man punched my sister repeatedly in the face - and maybe threw my daughter, who was trying to protect her aunt, down the stairs - I would probably thirst for revenge. I would probably lie in bed at night, killing the monster over and over in my mind with a smile on my face. Why, I bet my old dorsal striatum would be lit up like a Christmas Tree! My mouth would be watering....craving sweet tasty revenge.
Who could blame me?
Is Revenge Rational - Justified?
Sadly, no. Revenge is not a good emotion - although negative emotions can be healthy this is not one of them. Revenge is a violent emotion. Most of the research concluded without a doubt that the people from the research studies who did decide to punish the person who they felt had wronged them, felt worse for having followed through with the punishment. It did not improve their mood. Turns out - Revenge is just REAL fun to think about! You can't actually follow through with the fantasies of, oh I don't know, retribution, like punching someone repeatedly back in the face.
Reciprocity isn't always a good thing.
Hypothetically, I am certain everyone would understand that I would love to impose a penality on the person who so viciously beat my sister and daughter. However, I would not take the responsibilty to punish a person in my own hands - I would hope the law would see that justice prevails.
In conclusion all the research proves that thinking, or even fantasizing about revenge is pleasurable and maybe even healthy but acting on it is where one should draw the line.
The desire to impose any form of revenge is maladaptive behavior. It isn't one of those good negative emotions. It is rage that should be controlled or "restrained" and "retrained" or focused in a more positive direction. Truly - I believe most of us are conflicted when we feel as if we have been slighted.
Acting on revenge often spirals out of control and escalates. Nothing positive results - it just makes a person feel better for a short time, then regret sets in. Unless you are a sociopath. Sociopaths do not care about how other people feel - I called my doctor to check in.
I am thinking there could be a bright side to being sociopatic - if I am a sociopath - then I wouldn't feel bad at all if I acted on my vengeful feelings. I wouldn't care at all about tearing someone apart, limb by limb. If I am not a socipath and I act on revenge - well, I don't want to have to feel bad or regret anything. Too bad she's out today, the nurse said to take two aspirins and she'll get back to me tommorrow.
I have hope though.....I am very patient and I do have a sweet tooth!
More on revenge...!
- CarMax - Is this really how a car buying should be??
After dealing with numerous problems with a vehicle, CarMax has not lived up to their promise. Yes, it is really that easy to purchase a lemon! - http://mistyhorizon2003.hubpages.com/_188siy2o6o960/hub/How-Far-Would-You-Take-Revenge
So just how far would you go to take revenge on a person who had seriously hurt or upset you? I know I can be a very vindictive person if I know the person who has "done me wrong" has no remorse, or has not apologised to me, (with any sincerity). Man - How to Get Revenge
The list of reasons why you might want to get revenge are endless, but if you are reading this I am guessing that either you are simply curious as to the content of this article, or you already have a person, people or company in mind that you feel h
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Thanks so much Cagsil!! This was a really fun one to write and it took forever to collect the research;). It just paid off cuz you made my day;).
I thought you were going to tell us how you exacted revenge on someone...lol
I loved how you went back to the bible to bring a sort of history to revenge.
I love the way you explained everything, and came to the final conclusion!! I typically read poetry on Hubpages, but I'll definitely follow you because I like your style. Excellent hub, voted up and awesome/funny/interesting.
Hi Cardisa - I so wanted to:) lol you wouldn't believe how many times I had to back up and erase:) haha! Thanks so much for visiting and commenting!
Eparisi - thank you so much! I love poetry but can't write it so I follow many poets. I will have to check your work out! Thanks for the votes too!
Revenge sure is sweet but, am glad to know that it ain't in the dictionary for sweet people like ya ;)
It was good information to read about Revenge...quite a research!
I love the part about getting a better job. This is something I have 'hypothetically' done in the past and present. Karma is revenge enough for me, but I always live to see it happen.
Ruchira - yes too bad I don't like doing stupid stuff:) lol. It was really interesting to research! Thanks so much!
Austinstar - well there ya go! You can just relieve yourself if you tell everyone about a jerky boss:) lol. Too bad I couldn't find the info on what the 1/3 of the people did to retaliate! Lol. I bet there would be some funny stories!
Real - you did outstanding on this and I can really tell that you have dug deep to get out all the facts. Well said and very interesting.
As for me, I am one of those passive revengeful people. I too sit at night visually playing it over in my head, watering at the mouth. Yet, I never act on it. I know Karma will eventually come through for me!! :)
Great job!!! Glad to finally see it, since you have been talking about this hub for a while. :)
Ha! BBG - this one had to resonate for a while:). I often take about a month to research and write (I'm very slow:)!!!
But I'm so glad you liked it - ! I agree - give a jerk a rope long enough and they will hang themselves with no help from me! But it is so fun to use your imagination now and then, huh? Lol
I enjoyed this, but I have a really bad headache so I am going to have to come back and reread it because I do not remember a single word at the moment... I was just so excited to see a new article by you that I couldn't wait to tell you!
Myth - funny but I know what you mean! lol I hope your head gets better and you get some R & R this weekend. I so appreciate your excitement you crazy girl:) lol
Great article RealHousewife, and thanks for linking to both of my hubs on the revenge subject. I guess I tend to lean toward the other 'camp'. Negative emotion or not, there is something very satisfying about getting revenge on those who deserve it, especially if they haven't broken any actual laws, but still caused a load of pain or emotional damage to another person and walked away unscathed. I guess it all depends on the level of the 'crime' ;)
Ha ha - this article had me thinking of all the times that I was so ticked off at someone... but most importantly, it made me think of how we are having car problems again and how I want to give it to them.... so irritated with the company we bought the car from... are you sure I have to wait until it is cold! LOL
Well Misty - I am quite saddened that it is wrong and won't make me feel better to exact it. I am holding out hope that I'm a sociopath and it won't bother me:) lol
I think that overall the research proves everybody wants it!! Only some of us will follow through and yep - depends on how bad the infraction was weather I'd do it.
BBG - well you have to come up with a decent enough plan first. That's why the time lag, I think. If you're too hasty - the payback might not be good enough. Also - the more time you put between yourself and your "offender" I suppose you wouldn't be as big a suspect! Lol!
A very well written article thoughtfully researched and balanced. I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Thank you.
Hi SW! Thank you so much! I havent been on here as much as I'd like to lately - it's so good to "see" you! Lol
I liked this, you laid it out so well leaving expectation of how you did it, alas the highroad, to privately relish the thought,LOL. Been there done that and am glad that I have risen to flaring anger and releasing it and just being done with it, no "rent free residents" in my head!
great hub, peace dusty
Hi 50 Cal! Thanks so much! You are so right - I don't let things fester either. I just make sure I think good and hard about consequences before I lash out - I love that "rent free residents" that's awesome! Lol
.....you write with such authority and expertise here that I will now officially change your name from REAL HOUSEWIFE to THE REAL PROFESSOR - and on that most reverent note - will post this essential piece of writing to my Facebook page with a direct link back here - I sincerely hope all is well for you in your life right now and here I am sending you warm wishes from lake erie time 8:01pm ontario canada
Ha! Hi Epi - thank you so much! I do research for quite a while before I write the hub. I like to get down to the nitty gritty of things - I am by nature, very curious about what causes different emotions and responses. This is why I am always intrigued by your poetry....it always makes me wonder what you are thinking! You seem to have a magic pen.
Things are good in my life - thank you - and I hope you are living happily and in good health:)
Very interesting hub....I had never thought of jail as a form of revenge....but after reading that I agree with your statement. I really liked how you ended your hub....with a great touch of humor. Great information that is presented in an interesting way. Voted way up.
Hey Cogerson - thank you so much! I didn't really think about it that way at first - Jail, I mean, but it was brought up time and time again and it began to dawn on me that it is sort of a society revenge - then it makes sense. I think usually we associate illegal things when we think about "exacting revenge!" lol. It sounds serious doesn't it?
Revenge does take a lot out of a person... to plot, to plan, to execute, to reflect back on one's actions. I like how you presented this material. Revenge may seem like a terrific idea at the time, (I know I have had my moments of being lit up like a Christmas tree,) but in the end, it changes a person. Great hub!
Hi Tip! Yes - I agree. I think as we age we realize that we do and can exact revenge if we choose (and plot and plan!) but in the end, it doesn't make normal people feel better. I was very interested to see that pretty much everyone thinks about it - but most do not follow through. I think those who may even deserve to "get some back" do - in their own good time with no help from us. Still - it can be great fun to think about! But I think we all feel better knowing we do not have it in us to follow through with revenge tactics. It does make us better people!! You can dream though! Lol
Revenge has something in common with allergies. If jail is a form of revenge then everyone is allergic to everything. Your body has a reaction to everything it encounters from pollen to vitamin C to cheese raising your cholesterole.
People are allergic to all jokes by making them laugh, rolling their eyes, or wishing they were somewhere else.
If jail is a form of revenge then so is breaking up with someone, firing someone for a legitamite reason (and every other reason), for not hiring someone because of something they found on a background check/employment check.
If this is true, I would like to know what your definition is concerning cheating. Some think it must involve sex while others believe it takes much less to cheat on someone.
Hi Daffy - yes I firmly believe jail is a form of revenge. It is societies way of penalizing an individual for something they have done that is deemed wrong. If you break up with your girlfriend - I think there could be a million reasons why. Revenge could be one of them for sure.
Your body's reaction to a vitamin? I think that has nothing to do with a conscientious choice - it is a physical reaction you can't control.
Firing someone totally could be revenge motivated, for sure.
Revenge is a powerful emotion that can be triggered in each person for any reason that the person feels they have been wronged. It doesn't have to make sense - and often doesn't.
My idea of cheating? I don't think it has to involve actual sex. If my husband was having lunch with a female and didn't tell me about it? Cheating. And I would kick his ass!
Real, had to laugh as Daffy Duck made me think about Clinton and his "depends on your definition of what is, is" he definitely earned his title "slick Willie".
I know Hillary had her revenge on him for that whole ordeal and as revenge goes I'd love to know what she did to get even. It had to be awesome, if you look at how well she tore into obama in the 2008 primaries, I believe if she could have set off a mini nuke in willies pants she would have blown willies, willy off the face of Monica, ROTFLMAO,
Dusty
50 - omg! Now we're both rotflmao! You are so funny! I totally WOULD love to know what she did to get even too! You know it had to be good - Hillary sure isn't stupid! And I was taking a night class in "Social Disorganization" during the Monica ordeal. We had to do a term paper and mine was titled "Government - What's love got to do with it?" LOL! I got extra points for using the phrase "close -but no cigar!" hahaha! Actually - I've always wondered if Hillary and Bill married because it looked good - I think they knew they could be a farce to be reconed with and I think Hilary was more of a man than Bill and probably did most of the governing? IDK?
Thanks for a he'll of a laugh too!
A very interesting hub! You brought out the points beautifully. Good job!
Hi donate :) Thank you so much!!
Kelly,
This is such a well written, well researched article ~ I am very impressed. I do think about revenge, especially just before I am going to sleep and my mind won't shut off. I recently have some things in my life to be quite upset (revengeful thinking) about. But I know that if I don't act out on my revenge, eventually I learn of something that makes me feel better because "what goes around comes around." In time, people get what they have coming to them and I don't have to do a thing and make myself look like the fool.
Just an example I was thinking about -- Joe, the 90 year old male that I take care of has told me this story many times. When he was young, a neighbor shot Joe's dog and killed him. Joe and his family were so upset but did nothing revengeful. They later learned that the guy that killed their dog had his hand cut off in a machine at work. What goes around comes around! Thanks for this great hub!
Sharyn
Sharyn - yep I actually has fantasies about a revenge killing! Lmao! Ok someone did punch my sister in the face for REAL and So ya know! Lmao. I used my crazy energy to pacify myself, I researched at revenge and tried to examine myself and why I could feel that way.
Now I did help my sister move his things out of her house - we filed a police report immediately and he went to jail. Now no one wants to be around him - he did this while at a party with plenty of witnesses. So! I really had some hard feelings to work on and this was my way of working out the anger and having some fun with it. We posted it on his FB;-)!!!
Good luck Sharyn - and work out those feelings on paper!! lol. I hope you're resting better! Great to see you!!!
Fascinating research...must have been one hell of a job for you to collect those facts and figures. I enjoyed it, particularly your own take on revenge in the concluding paragraphs. Keep them coming...I'll pig out on more of your hubs. Needless to say, I do have an appetite for your pieces.
Hi MehreenM - thank you so much! I sincerely appreciate your comments! I usually do a lot of research before I write - I enjoy that part of it a lot! Funny - but you just never know what you are going to read:)
Thanks again!
Excellent hub! Plotting revenge can be a huge negative force in your life, and positivity is always better than negativity...although when you feel you have been taken advantage of, it seems to be human nature to want to strike back!
Hi Janinamarie! You are very smart! Yes...we all have moments where we would love to give someone a piece of our mind...or we wish they would get what they sow...and they eventually do with no help from us...Karma! And for those people who sit around and think miserable thoughts - well they could be doing something fun and productive...but maybe the plotting is fun and productive for them! LOL
It is the very best when we can just feel happy that we aren't in that mind set!
Thank you so much for this hub! Mst specifically on how following through with revenge is a negative result. I believe when we follow through with any negative emotions we become held hostage by those very emotions and we become victims. I remember the movie 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton,Lilly Tomlin and umm... well it was very funny, but at the same time sad because it consumed them! We must let go, or we too become consumed in holding a grudge and may remain a victim to that particular circumstance and or person. Great hub!
Hi noturningback! Thank you so much! I do agree - the more negativity a person radiates the more it will come back to poison them. It is very easy to fall prey to wanting to hang onto that stuff and it is a very motvating factor in crime! Very interesting to me...and I am so glad that you enjoyed it too!
Happy New Year! Keep thinking positive!
You are right. I tend to be a tit for tat person. It is human nature and to forgive and forget is divine.A well stated lesson, and thanks!
I have never been a fan of revenge. Planning out a good revenge plot takes up so much of one's time. I should be spending that energy trying to improve my own well-being rather than being destructive against others. And it really eats you up, mind, body and soul. It is like they are hurting you twice. Not worth the time or effort.
Hi Rebecca - I think that I human nature to want to be "tit for tat.". I just had a conversation with my husband about that video that recently went viral. The one where the dad got angry because his daughter wrote mean things about him on FB? So he read her letter and then shot the laptop with his 45. I said I can totally understand why the dads feelings are hurt and why he was offended BUT he just did what was done to him and now - were just gonna have a vicious circle. That did not help his relationship at all and I think he should have been the adult and SHOWED her how to behave by not repeating what she did. It also would have been an opportunity to show his girl how to properly vent anger.....but instead he got his dig and I'm sure it was not the beginning of a solution! Sad.
Thanks so much for the comment and I'll bet you are a forgiving person:)
The jovial - yes! Exactly! That angry energy could be used so much better elsewhere. I often think many people spend a lot of time harping about things that will never be fixed and if they focused on something that could be solved we would have a much better world. I don't like thinking hateful things or worrying about how to get someone back - I know life will take care of all that for me. Give a person a rope long enough and they can hang themselves with absolutely zero help from me!
Revenge is tempting. My struggle is to know that I have forgiven. It has been a challenge. Sometimes I think revenge would be a little bit sweet.
Hi Mary Stuart - yeah that is pretty normal. But if you sit back on your heels and think about it for a while...then that person would have to get revenge back on you ...on the cycle goes. It would really have to be worth while! lol Otherwise - I know it is true with me - when I have an opportunity to take a jab...I always regret it later! I guess you have to weigh the pro's and con's but I really understand that sweet tooth:)
You dive very deep into topics I just take for granted. I started thinking while I read this about my experience with revenge. All these years I thought about revenge but I was too chicken to follow through on anything - or so I thought! Turns out I was really just being healthy and not a wimp :) Thanks for letting me know that my passive choices are OK!!
Wow such an insightful hub! Really smart and well written. Sure gave some food for thought on a struggle many deal with in their way of thinking.Like Mary said it is tempting but what is the outcome? Will it ever justify the means or just make us feel better? Depending on the situation a vengeful nature will never be happy.
I agree "Revenge is a most interesting primitive emotion. It is destructive, can be violent and it is a negative response to anger" ... and like you said "it can be fun to think about".... but moving on without judgement sums up my deepest response to bad situations.... locking up repeat offenders is not a punishment to the doer of bad deeds, but a protection for the masses. Where the line is drawn is not easy to do without stepping into some form of judgmental role. Good hub - thanks
Well there ya go Ardie - now you know you saved yourself trouble! If you had followed through - apparently you would have gone through all that work just to regret it:) lol. So stick with the healthy fantasies! Hahaha! Thanks you so much!
Hi Sunnie Day - yeah apparently - the line to feeling good about revenge lies right before actually doing any thing:). It's great and healthy to think about - but the buck stops there! Lol. So save yourself in the future - if I ever get mad at someone again - I'll have a blast Goethe ing them in my mind and then I'll know to save my time, energy and thoughts and forget that person. I bet it's true that once we go as far as following through - the regrets start piling up. Thank you very much!
Hi Neil - thank you! I see what you mean and - that's an interesting point - who gets to decide what exactly is fair? Hmmm. I'm sure we all would disagree on exact amounts and what equals retribution?
Yeah I'm gonna stick with just thinking and not doing in this case:)
It may feel good at the moment, but then I would definitely feel guilty.
You put alot of work into this great hub!
Hi Cindy - yeah...I know. That is the sad part. haha! I think we imagine that it is going to feel so GREAT and that it will even the score in some way - and it is a bigger let down when you regret your actions:) lol At least in my experience for sure!
Thanks so much - I appreciate it!
Excellent write. Agreed, revenge is a negative and destructive emotion. Suppressing rage is even worse as it will lead to a lot of health issues. Rather it has to be transmuted into something constructive so that it doesn't keep simmering below the surface.
It takes a lot of effort suppressing rage as it is a primitive human emotion.
Well researched and useful.
Up & all the way across.
Hi rajan jolly - you said it:). Anger and rage really have to be expressed! I think these are the most difficult feeling to work with as humans - we are taught anger is wrong and bad - really they aren't - they are just trickier to cope with. Not coping - seems the easy route but it isn't. Things like that tend to fester and become worse.
Thank you so much for the read, comment and votes!
Kelly...
This was VERY informative! On a science level and everything. I thought we would be working out the details needed to revenge Peanut (who I hope is doing well!)
...I understand (from your research) that revenge is bad. I do bad things, now and again, so I really want to avenge Peanut (I'm working on a flow-chart...kind of like Wiley Coyote...)
Thomas
Hey TS - you are killin' me! lol A flow chart? This sounds like a good plan already! Let me in on the details, I can get the getaway car - if I stop taking my anit-psychotics I can even drive. I am looking forward to that too - there has been a little experiment I want to try I saw it in a cartoon! I think I can do it too! hahaha!
Thanks so much buddy - weigh the risks!
How the heck did I miss this one? I swear, I'm not getting notified when hubs come out. Maybe I subconsciously overlooked this because it was a woman writing about revenge. That's enough to make every man alive quake in their boots. :)
Great hub and I know it's not my imagination that you are improving as a writer before my very eyes.
Hey billybuc - why thank tou so much! K fooled ya with this one though - I wrote it a while back so that is whynyou didn't catch it:) lol. Someone must a been feeling vengeful and revived it! Haha!
I know what you mean - that whole "he'll hath no fury" huh? Lol.
Very good read, enjoyed it. I suspect my neighbor poisoned my sweet lab/husky with antifreeze. Grrrr. I think she has cancer now.
Oh that's awful Lilleyth! I'm so sorry! I have a dog who just had surgery because my neighbors dog attacked and crushed his upper jaw. They didn't even say sorry or anything. I was mad just because of the lack of compassion but if imthought they had caused it - oh wow! I'd have to get a little revenge at least:) lol.
I wish you the best of luck with your companion and stay away from those people! If they would do that? Omg! Horrible no telling what would be next!
Cagsil Level 7 Commenter 7 months ago
Hey Realhousewife, very nicely written hub. Definitely a vote up! :) It's too bad many people who need to read it probably won't. LOL! Thank you very much for sharing. Great Hub! :)